Today is the thirtieth anniversary of my walk with chronic illness and the day I am starting to post on this blog.
What started out as a life sentence thirty years ago, I recently realized has been commuted to life with benefits. Sure, I suppose I could look at my diabetes as a life sentence, I have been now for thirty years, but I realized yesterday, that it really is just a life with benefits. Sure they aren't great ones, but benefits just the same.
I have had the benefit of knowing many people because of my diabetes. I am telling you, really great people. Let me say that again. Really. Great. Freaking. People. They were all very cool, very sick, and very beautiful in their own way. People I wouldn't have met but for my life with benefits. Whether it was a bald girl with one leg, or a kid from Arizona that I shared a plane ride with, they all were awesome. I have had the privilege of meeting some of the greatest people because of my illness. That has to be a benefit.
I have had the benefit of going through the school of hard knocks. Sure my life hasn't been a great walk in the park, but at least I'm still around and kicking. I love the fact that I have had some of the worst experiences, but I learned from every single one of them. Some lessons were as simple as, don't eat the peel on an orange or a banana. Still they were lessons.
I have had the benefit of not being "normal". Sure you ask, "Really, this is a benefit?" I call your eyebrow raise with one of my own and raise it with a response of, "Yes. It really is a benefit." What I am is not normal for you, but it is normal for me. It's taken me 30 years to be comfortable saying that. I am normal, just my kind of normal.
I have had the benefit of a 30 year medical education that has been crazy, not complete, and not always right, but a beneficial one. I have learned from the mistakes of doctors, nurses, and well, me. It hasn't always been an easy education or a traditional one, but I've learned from it. Would I be able to do surgery, or pass any sort of test on the subject? No, but do I really need to? Seriously, I have a near army of medical doctors at my fingertips.
I have had the benefit of getting to know what I'm made of. I'm still learning what I'm made of other than flesh and bone. That's what's great about being.... challenged, unique, never really broken, all of the above. I learn something new about myself everyday. Whether its how many times I can drop something in a row, or who I really am, I'm always and forever learning new things about good ole me.
I have had the benefit of being able to adopt, instead of create a child of my own. This is not just a benefit to me, but to my family. I didn't have to give birth to have a child. I made the very wise decision of not passing on a flawed gene that may or may not have resulted in yet another diabetic. Instead I chose to adopt a child and give that baby love and watch her grow. Wow, I never made a better decision than that. (Well, other than to marry my husband.)
I have had the benefit of never being dull or boring. Sure I may look dull and boring sometimes, but if you wait long enough, I may indeed start breaking out in purple spots and writhing on the floor just for the fun of it. you never know. Heck, I never know.
I have had the benefit of living moment to moment, day after day. You think to yourself, "Don't I do that, too?" Sure, you might, but I have the added benefit of never knowing if my life with swirl the drain or not. I mean I could drop into a coma at anytime. Woohoo, added benefit! What's wrong with a little spontaneity, I ask you? No, but seriously, everyday, every moment is a gift. Each one goes by without the benefit of a party at its passing. I am just lucky enough to realize this, and try not to take any for granted.
I have had the benefit of great people in my life. My mom and dad, who were awesome dealing with all of my insulin reactions, my medical stuff, and me as a daughter. My sister, who I shall not name, but tell you that she is one of the strongest people I have ever had the pleasure to spend a not so little portion of my life with. Sure at points she was the bane of my existence, but managed to keep me alive at points in time with her nagging and bullying. (God, I love her!) My dear husband, who puts up with me day after day. (God bless him!) My daughter who is the light of my life. Her giggle itself should be bottled medicine. My friends, who have kept me going. One saved me from a desk with a chain and a dragon-nun. One of them I met at Princess Camp, which is a story better saved for another day. The countless people who have passed through my life, but happen to make an appearance back in it now and again. I could go on. I won't.
I have had so many benefits from this life sentence. I continue to. So, is it really a life sentence, if it has benefits? Do we need to look at it that way? Or do I just say that my life sentence that I started serving 30 years ago is just that, a life? From today on, I'm just saying its a life. A life worth leading and a life worth battling for. A life with benefits.
